I'm petrified at the prospect of having another child.
Don't get me wrong, I want to have another child. That's always been the plan (okay, okay, so Kyle and I actually don't have a plan for our family. Like at all. As in, your guess is as good as mine as to how many children we will have, when we will have them, etc. But we knew there would be more than one!)
And honestly, I don't think I'm nervous because Avery and this little guy are going to be pretty close in age (let alone in clothing size. Avery wore a 3 month old onesie yesterday and is turning the ripe old age of 14 months this weekend.) Even if there was more distance between their ages I think I would still be sweating bullets.
Nope, fact of the matter is that I just don't even know where to begin with this new stage of our lives. With Avery, I had been working as a nurse for a year (meaning we had an awesome cash reservoir), was familiar with the hospital I was delivering at (I swear, I had been in the room where Avery was born as a student nurse 2 years earlier), had family and friends living in the same city, and was so excited to become a Mom.
Flash forward to now where I'm not working (and that awesome cash reservoir has been whittled down to the "widow's mite"), I have yet to step foot into the hospital (I sure hope we don't have to use a parking meter downtown for our car while I'm in the hospital because that might use up the last of our "widow's mite"), closest family is 5 1/2 hours drive, and as for friends...well...there aren't many folks really within 10 years of my age in our apartment complex, church, or any other social arena. Really, the only thing that is similar in these two situations is that I'm still excited to become a Mom again.
So why is this all coming out now? Well, at the beginning of summer I was in my second trimester (aka feeling pretty darn amazing!), prepping to run a half marathon (amazing), made tons of plans to visit family and cool places over the summer (amazing), Avery was becoming more independent daily (amazing), and just enjoying my current situation as a wife and mother to one (amazing). And it's been, dare I say it again, a-maz-ing!
But with Kyle returning back to school in less than 3 weeks, my due date being less than 8 weeks (and if this one shows up early like Avery that means less than 6 weeks), plans to have Avery and the new babe in the same room (heaven help us), and me being full blown pregnant (y'know hormones skyrocketing and then plummeting, having the emotional stability of a toddler due to my inability to fall asleep/stay asleep, lots of lovely Braxton Hicks contractions...even pulling up my pants in the morning is getting to be a tough task) the world seems a bit overwhelming. I'm pretty sure if putting pants on daily is a struggle now, I can only imagine what is in my future in 2 months time!
Probably what makes me the most frantic is the idea of the delivery. What if Kyle is at school? We only have on car, so I'd have to call him, he'd drive the 20 minutes home, we would pack up bags for us and Avery, drop Avery off at someone's house (any of you know a friendly face in Indianapolis?), and then drive 20 minutes to the hospital. Heck, that sounds exhausting and we haven't even started talking about the labor process! What if I don't progress fast enough and the hospital turns me away and I have to do the "walk of shame" and pick Avery back up and go home? What if labor takes forever and Avery is freaking out at that person's house? What if aliens abduct Kyle before he makes it home to take me to the hospital? What if the sun stops shinning and floods start flowing and power outages start occurring and the hospital is impossible to get to? What if this child is half Cheetohs and the other half peanut butter since that's all I eat? See, there's a lot to worry about!
Okay, okay, life really isn't that bad. And really, I know that after a month or two, I will get used to the new normal and life will be wonderful. And sure that new normal will entail all those lovely postpartum changes, (let's be honest and just say that the words "engorgement" and "episotomy" are some of the foulest ones known to womankind) incredible dinners (PBJ sandwiches with a side of macaroni cheese), and sleepless nights, but I know it will also entail a lot of cuddling with my TWO kids, a welcomed feeling of progression in life, and a whole ton of memories that I will treasure down the road.
So, can I do this? Here's hoping for a resounding "yes" on the good days and at least having a sense of humor on the not so good ones.
You're totally entitled to be worried about it. I was freaking out with my first because Bart had 3 days in between finals and starting an internship that he couldn't miss, I was convinced he would miss the birth of our child. The good new was that he didn't (though I did have her the last day of finals). I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you, hoping it all works out, you'll be a great Mom of two!
ReplyDelete*Hugs* I really have no words of advice for you, but I know you're going to get through this, Lindsey. You're amazing and strong and something that I've learned is that the old adage is true: "If God leads you to it, He'll lead you through it." He doesn't take you just so far to leave you there. I'm sure one of the older ladies in your RS would LOVE to chase after little Avery if you promise to loan them a precious newborn to cuddle sometimes in class. And I think I told you this, but my brother and I are just 17 months apart, and we grew up SO CLOSE. It was just the best. I don't remember going without or wishing things had been different, and I was the youngest of three so I have to assume that things were pretty stressful for my folks. Kids don't really know that they're "missing out" or anything like that when they're loved, but I know a lot of kids who seemed to have EVERYTHING, but knew for a fact that they weren't really loved and that almost killed them.
ReplyDeleteYou're a wonderful mother and a fabulous wife. No one died from eating Mac 'n' Cheese or Ramen everyday for a season of their lives. If those Israelites could live on manna and quail for 40 years, I know you can do it! And you're SO creative, I'm sure you'll find a way to spice things up! For me, I like to crack an egg into the Ramen noodles when they're cooking and then add the flavor packet. Instant egg drop soup! Yum!
You're amazing. You'll get through it. And someday you'll look back and smile because these were the "good ol' days."
xoxo
You can do it! I wish I was there to help.
ReplyDeleteDoes it make you feel better to know I'm terrified right along with you? I believe my worries stem from either not having ANY idea what to do with the boys should I go into labor before my mom comes (seriously, how do you just drop your kids off with someone?? I can't think of anyone who I trust enough to do that who isn't family) and not knowing how we'll have to fit in a new schedule. It took us so long to find a nice flow, to really feel normal. How long will it take this time?
ReplyDeleteBut I guess people do it all the time. And we'll figure it out. Everyone will survive and we'll have a new special someone to love.
I second all of these comments. Have faith, not fear! I'm reading a book about Hypnobirthing right now. The point of HypnoBirthing is that fear causes tension in your body, which works AGAINST the muscles we use to bring a child into the world. So fear not, girl! Trust these people when they say you can do it! Because you can. Obviously the Lord wanted this boy to join your family, or it wouldn't be happening. So He is going to help provide a way to make things work out. Trust Him. And don't fear! Work on relaxation and being calm. And this baby boy will get here peacefully. And remember...YOU, Lindsay Pennock Bradley, are LOVED!!!
ReplyDeleteLindsay, I'm glad pregnancy turns other people besides me into worrywarts :) When you're making good choices and trying to do the right thing, it's amazing how things turn out ok. Personally, I'm excited to just have an EXCUSE to eat mac & cheese and PBJ's when the baby comes, because let's be honest, they are delicious. And I'm sure if you start asking around at church, more than one person would be happy to watch Avery for you. They may even be willing to just come over to your place, at least at first (if it were me, I'd probably prefer to do that). Give them earplugs in case Avery does freak out. She'll survive. As for the aliens, well, you'll just have to pray and hope for the best :) Good luck with everything! You can do this and you're going to be great.
ReplyDeleteYou can do it Mommy!!! You are amazing and strong and won't be alone.
ReplyDeleteI am pregnant and due in about 7 weeks. Having a girl and I already have a 18 month old little boy. Our situations are quite similar. I am having the EXACT same feelings. So I guess we can agree that the feelings are normal. Dont worry, everything will work out. I wish you the best and any advice you have to share would be greatly appreciated! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Boys are Sooooo fun! :)
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